too loud.

This silence is too loud.

A few more rites and everythng will end.

I rather have the rites, at least I feel i have something to do for her.

I'm griefing,

I'm heartbroken.

I'm exhausted.

This is so tiring. can I just go somewhere and cry..

why can't I cry?

they say don't cry at the hospital - or grandma won't leave in peace.

don't cry at the wake - or grandma won't follow god up into the heavens.

don't cry at home - or daddy will be more heartbroken.

don't cry and make your friends worry for you.

I understand everything,

but I am only human and I'm only this strong.

Right now, laughing feels awkward and surreal.

Right now,

I'm mourning - will you let me be?








[- Funeral Rain- 
The day comes, 
The preparations have been done
They come walking in
Black clothes
Black skies
Cloudy hearts
Stepping outside
The rain gives in
The umbrellas flip open
The sound of thunder awakens the spirits
The rain pours harder
Tears mix in with the Earth's water
Why does it always rain at a funeral?
For surely no one picks a date when it will rain
Even if one does
No one can fully predict the weather
No matter how hard one tries
So... why does it always rain at a funeral?
Perhaps it is a sign
A divine awakening
A divine cleansing of a new life
In the heavenly skies
As the spirit rises to God
While we mortals blindly watch the lowering of the casket
The rain clouding our eyes
Bringing forth the smell of the Earth
Reminding us why we are here
And what this Earth has given us...
Life...
So... why does it always rain at funerals?
Perhaps it is God's tears
Tears of celebration
Tears of joy
Of God's long awaiting
For those beloved pure souls
Yet we mortals weep
In agony and pain
Not fully realizing
That the departed has gone
Gone only from our Earth
And entered another dimension of the infinite universe
Where dreams of angels come alive
                                                                          - Diana Poems ]