private.

I forgot how is it like to hurt this much.
i forgot how it felt like to be happy when my life had you in it.
and it's getting harder for me to remember your happy face.
all that I remembered of is the last 20 days that I had with you.
the admission. to getting better. to uncertainties. to all the organ failures.
to the last moment. when you held my hands so tightly. to me being alone in front of your bed.
us, separated by a green curtain.
and you took your last breath.


there was calmness, and then pain.

this feeling is worse than having to go through a break up.
this good bye is forever.
no matter how I grasp,
your face will never reappear.

they say it's better to let go with a smile.
but now that I've let go,
why do the tears not stop falling.?

This pain is isolating.
it's private.